For some reason, Paolo randomly brought up Chris Tiu again, and described how this one guy has everything, he's practically perfect. He's smart, he's cute (not my type, really, but I do acknowledge his mass appeal), he's loaded, and an accomplished athlete. This guy could have everything - be anything - join the corporate world (news from the grapevine is he's been offered juicy posts by several prominent multinationals), join his family's growing empire, or get into showbiz. He's got everything any guy could ask for, but remains humble and low-profile.
I could tell my fiancee has a crush on Chris Tiu. But then again, who doesn't?
I asked him if he was jealous. "Konti", he says.
That afternoon, I kept on thinking, how could one guy have everything? Why can't we have what he has? What was the point?
It's not that we're destitute. I mean, come on, we're living pretty good lives - we have relatively good-paying, stable jobs, loving families, great friends, good looks (ahem ahem), health, and a future to look forward to. But are we really as 'limited' as Chris Tiu makes us seem to be?
I have just finished Tal Ben-Shahar's Happier and currently reading John Izzo's Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die (yes, I am a self-help junkie), in search of wisdom, and maybe, an even happier life. I'm glad I had this conversation with Paolo at this time, otherwise, I'd probably make myself miserable by bitching about why I don't have what Chris Tiu does.
After much mulling, I realize that we already have what we need to be as successful as Chris Tiu. It's the media and the world around us that told us that he's got it better that we do. But does he, really?
I keep on going back to the thought that "We are where God wants us to be". For a person who has spent most of her life searching, this thought gives welcome respite. I don't have what he does because his life is not my life to live. He has a different role to play, and I've got mine. He's not better, he's just, well, different :).
On his academic and athletic achievements - I've always believed we all have the potential to be the best at whatever it is we want to do. He just decided to push himself harder - with commitment and focus. These are the things most of us are not willing to give, and thus the results.
On his so-called luck of being well-born - who says we aren't lucky? If we have to work a little harder because of where we came from, if we think the world isn't a level playing field, my answer is this - it's because we all are here to learn something, to become stronger, and hopefully live fulfilling lives in the process. In the end, it boils down to choice - what you decide to do with the cards you are dealt with - an these cards are given to you for a good reason.
Who is to say that those who have more are necessarily happier? Studies have shown that the world today is far wealthier that it ever was - and yet rates of depression are on record highs as well. Our minds are programmed to believe that MORE=BETTER. But people are starting to discover, that wealth doesn't always mean happiness.
To quote Ben-Shahar "This is not to say that the accumulation and production of material wealth is in itself wrong. Material prosperity can help individuals, as well as society, attain higher levels of happiness. Financial security can liberate us from work we do not find meaningful and from having to worry about the paycheck. Even so, it is not the money per se that is valuable, but the fact that it can potentially yield more positive experiences. Material wealth in and of itself does not necessarily generate meaning or lead to emotional wealth"
If happiness is all about "positive experiences", then it doesn't take much to be happy. A run around the village makes me feel like a million bucks. An afternoon with Paolo, with my family, or with my girlfriends makes great fun. Precious quiet afternoons with a good book don't cost much, but they make life richer. Sure, I dream of a beautiful wedding and plan to travel the world - these things cost money - but maybe the experience of working for the things I want is also part of the experience I am meant to have. Maybe because there are lessons to be learned from the experience of striving - if I am open enough to receive them.
I keep going back to my past to prove that this is true. I went to exclusive schools, surrounded by the "haves" who wore fancy clothes and went to Hong Kong every term break. I took all forms of public transportation from Marikina to Taft, but never once felt "less". I came from a family of entrepreneurs, and my parents were very intelligent, but we were struggling financially. Because of this, I read and philosophized a lot, usually getting lost in my own thoughts. I was always trying to learn what worked and what didn't. When disasters would happen, I would always want to figure out why, and to avoid those causes at all costs.
Anyway, today, because of the financial struggle and all this thinking and philosophizing, I've developed so much as a person. Would I be the same person I am today if life was easier then? I think not. I probably would not develop the taste for wisdom and learning. If my life was too easy, I would probably be too distracted with the shopping and partying to think about the important things that really mattered.
How could I tell? Because I've been to that time when wealth was overflowing, and I've been to that time when wealth was not. And funny, there are more lessons learned during lean times. It was during these times when I listened to myself more, when I listened to God more.
When these times happen, I tell myself: find the lesson. And usually the lesson is this - love more, be a kinder person, be generous, be committed.
So what is there to be jealous about, if we've got everything we need?
